JILL, WHERE DID YOU GO?

Well it’s been a while but I’ve been so busy enjoying and loving every single minute of my life. Where do I start…working fulltime well over 40 hours & 6 days a week, working with varying degrees of disability from the multiple sclerosis that of course I have kept secret from my coworkers so I have to make-up stories, every six weeks leave work at lunch to go get injections in my eyes that keep me from going blind then return to work looking like I’ve been stung by a bee in both eyes, attend every single one of our boys activities eg: sports, band, choir, etc, cooking dinner nightly though none of us are able to sit down together, cooking breakfast every Sunday making sure we all sit down together for a family meal, cleaning house, doing laundry, bathing dogs, picking up dog pooh…No, no, wait a minute…that was all in my prior life before I stopped working March 2006. Was that really me or was it all a dream? What happened?

A few days ago while doing my daily whining to (or at) my husband Steve, honestly I don‘t remember what I was whining about, possibly having to get up before noon or maybe I did not have time to cook dinner because I was too busy working on the computer playing “Candy Crush” or “Disney’s Words of Wonder” or something equally important, anyway I had one of those hit yourself on the head duh moments. I don’t remember Steve’s exact words but I remember him voicing concern about me going in a downward spiral. Of course I remember thinking NOT ME! Well maybe me. Well ok yes me. Then it hit me yep seems since I quit working in 2006 I have perfected the art of whining and the art of Lazy, yes with a capital L. The first couple years I was off work I kept busy watching our granddaughter and visiting daily with my Dad, sister-n-law & a close friend all who had terminal cancer. After that it’s a blur and I have no idea when IT happened.  Yes, I’ve had a few major multiple sclerosis blips here and there since stopping work but I had major blips in the past and never gave up or I should say never gave in.

Since my multiple sclerosis diagnosis January 1986 one consistency in my life has been Steve diligently tracking the amount of time that I am down or depressed over the ever changing pattern of this unpredictable disease. Not if but when a relapse rears it‘s ugly head I generally pout quietly for a day or two then Steve says “ok time to move forward” or “it’s been 1 (or 2) day(s) you have one more day then you need to move on“. No doubt there are those saying wow what a rude man she is married too. Quite the contrary. Steve is literally why this gal is not bed ridden. I could have very easily laid down and mentally given up. Unfortunately I went unchecked for a while since no longer working and that is exactly what I was starting to do, mentally give up.

{I want to stop here and say there are individuals that are taken down quickly with varying degrees of debilitating forms of multiple sclerosis and no matter how upbeat their state of mind they lose varying function sometimes leaving them in a wheelchair or bed ridden.}

Sleeping, eating and the occasional computer game had become my only activities. I was to the point where writing or blogging was even something I couldn’t seem to make time for. Recently a lot has changed in our lives and we have a multitude of things to be truly thankful for including our youngest son Michal proposed to his girlfriend Danielle on Thanksgiving and they are getting married in July, our oldest son Jason has gone back to college to get his degree while working fulltime and Steve and I moved. Not even these awesome events shook my “down in the dumps” attitude probably because I chose not to admit I was sliding further and further from life.

So I am back and my goal is to blog frequently even if I don’t have much to say and I will try not to ramble on and on. I also hope to complete two more of my mini memoirs in the next year. Hopefully while I work towards getting myself back on track some of you will want to share your stories.

Steve is nothing short of awesome and has stood by me thru good times and times that I truly don’t believe some folks could even fathom.  He is my ROCK!  My entire family is amazing and they have helped me thru some very difficult situations and always with compassion and most importantly in our house, a sense of humor!

 

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